“Logic” Model
Recently for a class assignment, I had to complete a personal/professional logic model. I found the model difficult to complete for a few reasons.
My life has not necessarily been “logical.” In hindsight, all of the steps make sense, but at the time, I would have never imagined certain things to transpire. For example, twenty years ago when I was an undergrad student, I never considered getting a PhD. Each step led to the next, organically and emergent-ly, in a way that makes perfect sense now but that I could not have predicted at the time.
Another reason is the present-oriented focus of the model. The instructions were asking us to identify how current activities are helping to build towards our career goals and future. My present, having given birth 10 months ago, is 24/7 mothering. I have written a few other posts you can look to for how all-consuming this is (as any parents out there are well aware). But there was something dissatisfying in the way the model didn’t feel like it had room for my role as a mother, or as if that was somehow a distraction from my life’s focus, whereas in reality, it is probably one of the most important ways I am contributing towards a loving, peaceable world.
Finally, the model seemed to be a little more geared towards early career folks, and while in some ways I am early in my career as a scholar, in other ways I have a lot of experience that makes me more mid-career than anything. I am working towards my third degree, and I have extensive experience in the teaching and nonprofit worlds. I have worked in global contexts, and have created classes and programs. I’m not exactly starting out in my professional life. I am approaching my 40th birthday, and am embracing this phase of life as “not young and yet not old”: experienced enough to know what I don’t know, yet also experienced enough to know I have wisdom to share.
So I adapted the model and created my own (see image above), consisting of past activities that merge towards the present, an encapsulation of what I am working on in the present, and my possible trajectories for the future, post-PhD.
On the left-hand side, you can see past activities building towards the present. My theme for these first (roughly) 20 years has been creating my life as a work of art for peace, inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Peace Is Every Step. This has included being a Peace Corps Volunteer, earning a Masters degree in Peace Education from the University for Peace, developing peace education programs for nonprofit organizations such as Teachers Without Borders and the Metta Center for Nonviolence, and a devoted spiritual practice in Engaged Buddhism, including my ordination into the Order of Interbeing (dharma name True Earth Dwelling). These activities, collectively, have led me to the CLIE program at Pacifica, where I am working towards my doctorate.
“My work is loving the world.”
Mary Oliver, Messenger
In the present moment, I am most interested in my life reflecting as deeply as possible, in all aspects, the above Mary Oliver line: simply loving the world. This is my work. At present, that manifests through three main roles: mother to Daphne (which, as previously noted, is 24/7+), which has helped me to develop presence, patience, letting go of things that are not essential, and creating conditions for her to thrive. I am a scholar (full-time student), working towards my doctorate, with a dissertation focus on decolonial (peace) educational models. To continue pursue my degree while full-time mothering has required immense persistence, determination, dedication, and diligence (and figuring out new ways to study and write given my time constraints). And finally, in my community building role as an ordained member of the Order of Interbeing, I am on the Earth Holder Community caretaking council, which guides the direction of a community of Engaged Buddhists who are concerned with Earth justice. This is an expression for my deep care for the Earth and all beings. In total, these roles are more than enough, sometimes too much, and definitely all I can (mostly) handle on any given day.
Creating “a world where it’s easier to love.”
Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed
Where will this lead? In short, I don’t know. I was inspired to pursue a doctorate because I was teaching in the academic world and finding jobs I couldn’t apply for with just an MA, and pursuing a path in academia is definitely still one possibility. However, I want to keep the door open to see what emerges, especially as I engage in my dissertation work. This could lead to new directions that I cannot yet see. For example, it could lead to creating a more independent life, a mosaic of consulting, online classes, working with individuals, adjunct teaching, leading retreats and workshops, and writing, all of which I enjoy, have experience in, and hope to continue doing in some shape or form. Or it could lead to starting a “dream school,” a seed I have been carrying in my heart for a long time, but that, as a new mother, I definitely do not currently have the energy, space or time for. But in two or three years? Maybe. Who knows? Maybe along the path of my dissertation I will meet the right people who would like to join me in this endeavor, and the work won’t feel so overwhelming. Maybe the right causes and conditions will arise. In any case, there are many shapes the future could take, and I remain open to them as I nurture the present moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh’s inspiration and creating a life that is a work of art for peace remain the canvas upon which I paint my life, but I have added love (which is not separate from peace but perhaps a different dynamic, energy, and manifestation) as my central focus of these days. And finally, I am eternally inspired by the work of adrienne maree brown and her conceptualization of Emergent Strategy, which seems to be a vehicle to help bring all of these aspects of my life – academic nerdery/geeking out about/studying deeply peace and love and justice; engaged spirituality; and love and care for the Earth (of which we are one small part) as a guiding path for my life moving forward, particularly and succinctly encapsulated in her emergent strategy mantras.
What will emerge from the seeds I am planting right now, I cannot know for sure, but I do know that I am living my life as fully, with as much integrity and energy, as I possibly can in this moment.